I Blame Hip Hop

I thought that the Soulja Boy fad was over. Apparently shawty has been sippin’ a little too much of the sizzurp, because girlfriend is straight trippin’! I like it how the old lady isn’t even phased, and then the young guy just straight rips her weave off. Where’s my hat?

I BLAME HIP HOP! Set a better example will you. That’s a grown woman and she’s solving a problem doing the Soulja Boy dance. What will they think of next, Crumping while fixing your car?

Aunt Dolores Is At It Again

I told Aunt Dolores to lay off the Boone’s Farm, but she wouldn’t listen! She know’s what’s poppin’. There are some barbecue’s goin’ on in the ghetto son, goin’ on. You get you some ribs, some charcoal, some dranks, and you got yourself a backyard party. Let the fighting and grinding begin. Get it girl, go on. My man in the red is all shy, then hams it up for the camera. You know he hit that later after about 6 Knotty Heads.

Plight of the Big Booty Girl

Gurlz, youknowwhutwesayin? They don’t make jeans for the big booty ho girl ever. they only make jeans for the skinny ass bitch who your baby’s daddy is now dating banging. We’re tired of it ladies. What’s a girl to do? Thank the lord for this instructional video.

He Loves Him Some Church, Sing On Brother

If it’s one thing that’s for certain, folks in the Hood love the Church. As a matter of fact, if you’re living on the street in the Hood, you really love church, God, Baby Jesus, and singing hymns. As this young go getter shows us, no matter how jacked up on crack you are, you think you can stand at the pulpit and sing Omazing Grace. Our favorite part is when the music gets lower and he just belts out another verse, complete with some Al B Sure! type improvisation. It’s almost as bad as when some R & B singer attempts the Star Spangled Banner and has to put their own twist on it, moaning and screeching like a cat in heat. Youknowhutimsayin? At least this time he’s doing it for the lawd.

Gas Is Expensive, Go Scraper Bike

Maybe last year these cats were on to something. Gas is over 3 bucks a gallon everywhere, so why not steal a three wheeler from the local retard or old man and trick it out? Put some 22″s ? on it, add tape from the Dollar Store, and Ghost Ride the whip through your hood. Then, video tape it and watch your posse be the envy of three wheelin’ retards and old men everywhere.

What to Wear On a First Date

What we have here is what any normal woman does. After you get your hair did, you get your nailz done. It’s normal for women to paint their nails, but what you really needs is to let everyone know what your favorite beverages are. I mean, picture this: You’re on your first date, you’re having trouble deciding whether to wear your Denver Nuggets jersey dress (Carmello on the first date, Iverson on the second) with your knee high Timbos with the leather tag attached, matching fitted cap or maybe you want to wear the Ed Hardy Rhinestone tattoo hat ( I mean you know who Ed Hardy is right?), Ed Hardy Premium Denim, Ed Hardy tunic, and your Ed Hardy handbag. You’ve also got the Ed Hardy heels on as well. You’re looking for the perfect accessory, one that screams: “I like Sprite, RC, Mountain Dew, Pepsi, and Lil’ Hugs (but wait, are Lil’ Hugs a soda flavor?”).

Here’s the perfect accessory. Get your nails airbrushed like soda cans. That way when you go to Jack in the Box on that first date, your young suitor won’t have to guess. Let him order for you, it’s much more classy.

Ghetto Softness is Cool

Thank you Kanye West for making the Ghetto soft. You’ve single handedly said: “It’s ok to wear blinds as sunglasses and walk around with a teddy bear. “Hey, check out my Boyz to Men sweater, you know how we do.” You’re a grown man dawg, cut that shit out and stick to making beats, you’re good at that. Oh yeah, and Daft Punk called, they want most of their song back. One more thing, stop whining, real G’s don’t whine.

Ghetto Big Mac

So even though we don’t have enough cash to pay the bills, we do have the newest AF1’s, Air jordans, rhinestone Ed Hardy shirts, all over print BAPE hoodies, and a watch that belongs on Flavor Flav’s neck. Let’s face it, we look good. Who has time or money left over for food? This is how we do yo.

This is why we’re hot.

Nothing like starting off with what we here at What’s Poppin call a Hoopty. Just because you make $.05 above the minimum wage doesn’t mean you have to let us all know that. I mean really, with gas prices this high, you should just be riding a scraper bike around that holds a family of six.